The Gottman Institute
·"Someone else's love story is never going to be yours. True love is woven out of honoring and understanding each other's unique gifts, vulnerabilites, and…
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"Who Am I?"
What has your relationship taught you about yourself? To love is to learn. Your relationship is an ongoing journey of discovery about your partner, yourself, and your life together. On our Gottman Relationship Blog, Dr. John Gottman offers prompts to help you reflect on the past and look forward to the future.
Make Life Dreams Come True: Dreams Within Conflict
Getting unstuck from relationship gridlock is possible. The process can even bring you closer. By communicating your dreams with your partner, your gridlocked conversations can change radically. Start the conversation and unlock your relationship potential by starting our Gottman Relationship Coach: Conflict Bundle today.
Building trust is about the small moments of connection that allow you to feel safe and to truly believe that your partner will show up for you. It’s the bedrock of a thriving partnership. Discover self-paced programs to help you boost trust in your relationship and start the Gottman Relationship Coach today.
Can I Trust You?: Dating After a Breakup
How do you know if you can trust someone? Dating can feel intimidating and overwhelming, especially if you haven't dated in a while. Having a sense of who you can trust is an important step towards enjoying yourself and meeting the right person. Discover therapist-approved tips for “getting back out there" and learn five indicators of trustworthiness on our Gottman Relationship Blog.
The Four Horsemen: Stonewalling
Do you know the impacts of stonewalling during conflict? Reduce stonewalling by learning to take a break and self-soothe (Dr. John Gottman recommends self-soothing for at least twenty minutes). Download this month’s free resource and start applying this Gottman concept to your relationship today when you sign up for the Love Notes newsletter.
Turning Toward Your Partner as an Anchor
"We’ve learned that turning toward each other goes beyond accepting each other’s bids. It’s about making our partner, not others, our primary emotional anchor. It’s about making our partner our home." Is your partner your anchor? On our Gottman Relationship Blog, read how one couple boosted their sense of teamwork and unity through seasons of change.
Ask for What You Really Want
Do you find yourself getting upset at your partner for things you never communicated to them? Your partner can't read your mind. It's essential that you ask for what you want in order to receive it. Learn more about putting your feelings into words without contempt or criticism with Gottman Relationship Coach today.
Signs You're Feeling Flooded
Are you feeling flooded? Stonewalling is the last of the Four Horsemen identified by Dr. John Gottman. This happens when one partner is flooding or trying to avoid going there. They withdraw from interaction both verbally and non-verbally, emotionally, and sometimes physically. The good news is that there is an antidote: agree to take a break and practice self-soothing. Learn how with help from Gottman Relationship Coach today.
"Can I Trust You?"
Dr. John Gottman found that generally happy, satisfied couples respond “Yes” to the question of “Can I trust you?” Getting to "Yes" starts with bids for connection. By making intentional time for attention and affection together, you can increase the trust in your relationship. Building trust might feel like a constant balancing act, but the work is worth it. Start turning toward with help from Gottman Relationship Coach today.
Create Rituals of Connection
Do you have rituals with your loved ones? Whether it's family breakfast every Saturday morning or a regular evening walk, rituals help us process our feelings and stay grounded as we move through life’s transitions. And as your children grow older, familiar traditions are helpful for maintaining emotional connection and closeness. What are your favorite rituals of connection? Get inspired with these ideas from our Gottman Relationship Blog today.
How Often Should I Make Bids?
How often should you make bids for connection in your relationship? Dr. John Gottman found that happy couples tend to bid often—sometimes as many as one hundred times in a ten-minute period! Learn how to make and respond to your loved one's bids with these tips from our #GottmanRelationshipBlog.
Free Monthly Download
Do you receive our Love Notes newsletter? Sign up for this month's free download featuring the Four Horsemen (and their antidotes). Identifying the Four Horsemen in your conflict discussions is a necessary first step to replacing them with healthy, productive communication patterns. Download this month’s free resource and start applying this Gottman concept to your relationship by signing up for Love Notes today.
“Do I Need to Heal Before Dating Again?”
"When the feelings of sadness and loss begin to lift when you are alone with your thoughts, and your imagination starts accepting thoughts of a brighter future…you are starting to get there." Do you have to heal completely before you can start a new relationship? Dr. Don Cole, Clinical Director at The Gottman Institute unpacks this topic on our blog.
Free Monthly Download
In his 40+ years of research, Dr. John Gottman identified specific negative communication patterns that reliably predict the end of a relationship. He named them The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Identifying the Four Horsemen in your conflict discussions is a necessary first step to replacing them with productive communication patterns. Download this month’s free resource and start applying this Gottman concept to your relationship today when you sign up for the Love Notes newsletter.
The Three Keys of Dating
"Knowing how you want to be treated and how you would like to feel with a partner is essential to your comfort and security—especially when you think about moving forward with those individuals." Ready to mingle? Dr. Lawrence Jackson, LMFT offers tips to help you navigate the dating world. Read more on our Gottman Relationship Blog.
Growing Fondness and Admiration
Dr. John Gottman’s research shows that fondness and admiration are two of the most crucial elements in a rewarding and long-lasting romance. The better in touch you are with your deep-seated positive feelings for each other, the less likely that you will act with contempt—the most destructive of the Four Horsemen—when you disagree. What's a moment of joy that you shared with your partner this week?
Curiosity Over Certainty
Next time you're tempted to jump to conclusions and problem-solve for your loved one, opt for curiosity instead. Can you ask them to clarify their statements for better understanding? Which open-ended questions can you ask to gain deeper knowledge of their inner world? You can learn a lot about your loved one by first listening and seeking to understand their feelings. Enhance your journey of romantic discovery by starting Gottman Relationship Coach today.
Date Ideas (Day or Night)
In our Gottman Relationship Blog post "6 Hours a Week to a Better Relationship," Dr. John Gottman recommends couples dedicate at least two hours per week for leisurely, romantic time together. There's no single blueprint all couples should follow for dates — your "we time" will be based on your unique relationship, interests, and circumstances. What's your favorite "date" you've ever been on with your partner?